8-7-25

Grief is a universal human experience.  It's an unwelcome guest that arrives in the wake of loss, leaving behind a void that can feel impossible to fill. The experience of grief is unique to each individual, and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve.Our grief is shaped by a multitude of factors, including the nature of the relationship, personal history, cultural background, and individual coping mechanisms.Grief is not just due to the death of a loved one. It can arise from any significant loss, including the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, a major life change, or even the loss of a cherished dream. 

Perhaps one of the most unhelpful phrases directed at someone who is grieving is "You'll get over it." Grief is not something we "get over" in the sense of erasing the experience or forgetting the person or thing we've lost. Instead, it's about learning to live with the absence, to integrate the loss into the fabric of our lives. It's about finding a way to carry the love, the memories, and the impact of that loss forward, while also rediscovering meaning and purpose in a world that has irrevocably changed.

A lot of people think of grief as being a linear process. Like it’s a series of neat stages to be checked off before we arrive at some mythical "acceptance."  The commonly discussed "five stages of grief" (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) can be a helpful framework, however, the truth is far more complex, messy, and often unpredictable. You may not experience all of these stages, and you may cycle back and forth between them. Grief is more like a winding path with unexpected turns and detours than a straight line.

Navigating grief can feel incredibly challenging, but there are some things that can help:

• Allow yourself to feel: Don't try to suppress your emotions. Allow yourself to feel the pain, sadness, anger, or whatever else arises. Crying is a natural and healthy release.

• Be patient with yourself: Grief takes time. There is no set timeline for grieving, and it's important to be patient with yourself as you move through the process.

• Seek support: Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist. Sharing your feelings can be incredibly helpful. Support groups can also provide a safe space to connect with others who understand what you're going through.

• Take care of yourself: Prioritize self-care during grief. Get enough sleep, eat nutritious foods, and engage in gentle exercise. These practices can help support your physical and emotional well-being.

• Honor the memory of your loved one: Find ways to keep the memory of your loved one alive. This could involve sharing stories, looking at photos, or creating a memorial.

• Find healthy coping mechanisms: Engage in activities that bring you comfort and joy, such as spending time in nature, listening to music, or pursuing a hobby.

• Be gentle with yourself: Grief is a difficult journey. Be kind and compassionate to yourself as you navigate this challenging terrain.

Here are some common experiences associated with grief:

• Emotional Rollercoaster: Grief can bring a wide range of emotions, from intense sadness and anger to confusion, guilt, and even relief. These emotions can fluctuate rapidly, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

• Physical Symptoms: Grief can manifest physically in various ways, including fatigue, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, headaches, muscle aches, and even a weakened immune system.

• Cognitive Changes: Grief can affect your ability to concentrate, remember things, and make decisions. You may feel foggy or disoriented.

• Social Withdrawal: It's common to want to withdraw from social activities during grief. You may feel like no one understands what you're going through, or you may simply lack the energy to socialize.

• Spiritual Questions: Grief can raise profound questions about life, death, and meaning. You may question your beliefs or seek solace in your faith.

So, how do we navigate our own grief?

• Allow Yourself to Feel: Resist the urge to suppress your emotions. Acknowledge them, even if they feel overwhelming or contradictory.

• Be Patient with Yourself: Grief has its own timeline. There's no shortcut or fast-forward button. Be kind to yourself, and don't judge your progress based on others' experiences.

• Seek Support: You don't have to walk this path alone. Lean on trusted friends and family, consider joining a grief support group, or seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. 

• Practice Self-Care: Prioritize sleep, nourish your body, engage in gentle physical activity, and find healthy ways to cope with stress.

• Find Ways to Remember: This could involve creating a memorial, sharing stories, or engaging in activities that were meaningful to you and the person/thing you lost.

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please seek help immediately. You can call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, or text HOME to 741741. www.988lifeline.org

Written by Jamie Scamihorn, MSW, LCSW